From social media to real life

I de-activated Facebook one week ago. For several reasons-1) time consumption -just don't go on one would say.  Easier said than done, I say.  If I could figure out why I feel the need to surround myself with "friends"...well that's the million dollar question.  2) as a good friend of mine said. "I feel like I know too much"  - this is true.  I know who ate waffles for breakfast, whose kid had a breakdown in Target, and who ran 5 miles and "FEELS GREAT" (while I feel like crap-again easier said than done to NOT compare).  I felt myself doing the same thing..."5 miles in sub 50!" And for what?  WHO NEEDS TO KNOW THAT?  WHY do I need approval or "likes" to feel good about something that should just make me feel good?  3) some things that you read or see hurt.  Ok so just de-friend THOSE people.  When it comes down to it, it is just way too much. Too much time, energy, nonsense....The things I have liked are coming into contact with people with whom I have
not seen or heard from in a long time.  If I am meant to stay in contact, there are still phones and emails, right? I have also liked it for getting information out to a large number of people either in alert or support.  The last, a friend of mine has a clothing boutique exclusively through Facebook.  Well, I guess I will save a little money.  So I am 1 week FB-free and I have to admit, I am still feeling twitchy. I reach for the iPad or my phone to check in.  What is going on on?  I MUST know.  I know it will pass.  I will be better for it, I am sure.  In the meantime, I am still on Instagram-(I do like it because it is picture based) and I am making time for real life status updates.....Here are some from this week.

xo~M

My boy

MEOW!!!!

All the cousins

My sweet niece, Evelyn, posing on the pumpkin

I thought this was a pretty cool pumpkin-looked like peanuts on it.

Max found some bat sunglasses in the store.

I talon I found!  Awesome find!  Josh dumped his drink out and put it in the cup for the kids to take to school.

Koi pond

My girly-girl gets an NFL face painting....it says UA (Under Armour) on the other cheek....

My beautiful butterfly

Our front yard

This was not Max's ball to get, but I LOVE the huge smile on his face while he is running!

Lucky Number 13!!!

13 years ago.  October 5th at 8:45 in the morning, Keelin Gray entered the world.  I remember watching the Today show and Katie Couric talking about how the 5th was a popular birth date because it is 40 weeks from New Year's Eve.  Except Keelin was a week late!  She was the sweetest little baby.  Now a teenager. I can't believe it.  I am so proud of the young lady she is growing up to be...as a daughter, sister, singer, actress, student, athlete, and friend.  She is beautiful inside and out.  (I try to remember this when she is fighting with her sister or telling me how I am SO unfair!)  I loved that her birthday was on a weekend.  Here is to another wonderful year....

xo~M

Opening presents

Opening cards and presents before running out to soccer!

The knife was coincidental....just thought it was a funny...."do you want to see your next birthday?" kind of shot!

Sweet sisters at their first 5K

Braces off!

11 Years

I was making dinner and listening to Pandora.  Sara Bareilles' voice came on to intro a song.  "I wrote this song, Gravity...after my first heartbreak."  It struck a cord with me.  I thought my first high school boyfriend broke my heart....then I thought, no that could NOT have been heartbreak, my first serious college boyfriend, HE broke my heart.  Moving on....no, no any number of choices I made could have led to heartbreak.  My dad died when I was 16...heartbreak?  The rate I am going, my heart is in a million little pieces.  The definition of heartbreak:  overwhelming mental anguish or grief, especially that caused by loss or disappointment.  Just reading the definition, brings tears to my eyes threatening to spill over onto the keyboard.  And I know...I KNOW with every piece of me...when my heart actually broke.  I was sitting in a doctor's office.  I was looking at my son on an ultrasound screen.  I was in the specialists' office-hearing the Doctor's words.  I was in the hospital as my OB asked me if we catholic and if we wanted a chaplain.  I was numb sitting on my couch watching the world out my window, wishing I was invisible.  Wishing I was with my son.  A million little pieces....
A three year old little girl climbed onto my lap, holding my hand as I watched out the window.  Finding out I was pregnant with Ella.  Helping to chair the Walk to Remember in Atlanta.  Having Max and listening to  him talk about Ben more than anyone in our family.  Finding friends to share in this journey.  Having my silent army in blue every October 1st and March 7th....all of these things and more fill the cracks.  A broken heart pieced back together with love and support.  It is a sad day.  I miss my son.  But I am grateful for Keelin, Ella, and Max.  I am grateful for Josh and my support from near and far.  There was overwhelming anguish and grief.  There has also been overwhelming joy.

xo~M

My little memory area complete with the candle scent I made especially for him. 

My mommy necklace with all of my babies' names.

A tired looking selfie...in my blue :)