Slacker....a year in the making

Yeah so I just saw that I last published in March of 2015.  For the love.....Now that I am on summer break (um....well 2 weeks ago) maybe I can set aside some blogging time. Too much for a year in review....maybe I should focus on a month, week, yesterday? How could an entire school year have gone by?  What have you missed, you ask?  Keelin's first year as a high schooler: sports disappointments, sports achievements, straight As, a job, a driving permit, faith mentoring, track meets...Ella's first middle school year: cross country, qualifying for states, a broken foot, basketball manager, As and Bs, making big girl decisions....Max completed 2nd grade: played soccer, had the flu, played lacrosse for the first time, lost some teeth, is in his 3rd swim team season, his last year at Daves Creek Elementary school, and was cast-free this school year!  We welcomed a new member to the family, a shepherd/mastiff mix we named Rosie who is apparently a mastiff runt but she takes up plenty of space on our bed. I think I have hit many of the major points, but by all means, contact me with questions....
My plan?  To do better. That's all.

Our furry girls...Rosie and Charley

Max and I at his last DCES field day

Ella- x country

Kee at a track meet

xo~M

"I Have A Faith All My Own" - Keelin Unger

As adults we obviously make more decisions than children and as parents we not only make decisions for ourselves but for our children too.  Even when we aren't sure what or how our children would choose.  Baptism is one of those choices.  And for me it wasn't so much that God was calling me to baptize my children, but what was expected of me by my family.
Today Keelin proclaimed her faith and love publicly.  She was baptized in front of family and friends at our church.  As a mom of a baby, yes it is a moment...something to remember and behold.  But as a mom of a 14 year old who made the decision on her own to follow her faith-it was not only memorable but it was incredibly moving and emotional.  I felt such pride and love as I heard God speaking through my daughter.  Her love for God shone through this morning and so many were able to witness this.  I was in awe of my precious daughter.  As she spoke the words...I have a faith all my own....I had tears streaming down my face.  Tears of joy and love for this sweet girl of mine.....

xo~M

I blinked

This just happened.  I swear.  It was a second ago, a minute ago....yesterday?  Oh wait....it was years. It was 7 years ago.
Max was born on Easter Sunday.  The hospital was a ghost town with changes in shifts about every 3 hours so that the staff could be with their families.  But at 9:30 pm , Max William Grady entered the world.  Happy Easter to me ... happy birthday to you Maxer.
I keep asking him not to grow.  And he thinks it is super funny that I keep asking him.  Words can not express the love I have for this boy who tells me I am his sweet girl and asks for one more minute of snuggle every night.  My cup runneth over....

He is literally the sweetest boy.  Happy birthday to my angel on earth.  I love you Maxer.

xo~M (mommy)

There is SUNSHINE in my soul today

I should be more grateful.  We had maybe 3 inches of total snow this year and also some ice/sleet.  We lost 5 days of school.  Our neighbors to the north (and our former home) had it WAY worse.  After living here and becoming more accustomed to the sun and the warm, when we have a winter like this....I just feel blah.  This weekend the SUN came out.  The sun came out and the air was warm and it smelled like spring and EVERYONE was smiling.  I mean, everyone.  Keelin said it felt like summer and she didn't want to go to school tomorrow.  Preach sister.  I came home from soccer today still smiling, a four mile run under my belt, and a legit farmer tan.  Life may not be perfect and some days are gloomy, but there was sunshine in my soul today.

xo~M

Max and I went for a walk to to grocery store yesterday

My nemesis....the tree that is eating the house

My determination to rid the house  of the tree parasite resulted in me hanging out Ella's window with a shark saw and left 4 branches on the ground...Go me!

Messing around with selfies

Breakfast date with my girls this morning

Love that Josh coaches Kee

My girl leading off the 4x100

Love watching her run

My fave...Kee leads her relay in prayer.  

Just Life

Sometimes I think I try too hard to find the exact right topic or something profound to write about and I forget about what is going on right around me.  I mean is the earth being moved with my every word?  Are my (6) readers waiting with bated breath for my next post?  I think not.  So here you go....

Keelin has worn contacts since she was 9.  She rarely wears her glasses but she just got new ones and she LURVES them.  We all do, except she looks about 16 and that is NOT cool.

Ella also celebrated her 11th birthday which meant a countdown on our calendar, daily reminders, and general nagging about the iPhone she so desperately NEEDS.  I managed to sneak one last picture of her as a 10 year old.....

Oh my, she is so sweet like this.  Her fist tucked under her chin...I could just.....

And then I snapped a group selfie of us on our way to school the next morning....the first of her being 11 (although she reminded me she wasn't REALLY 11 until she went to drama that afternoon since she was born at 4:35 pm-yes, Ella I remember WELL)

And one more of her cake.  She requested a cookie cake this year.  And being Mother of the Year that I am, I made it happen.

And it was delicious.  And totally Ella.  

My last little bit is about me.  I have been really trying to take time for me.  Taking care with a little help from my friends and my sister.  Eating better is always a goal for me but I am horrible at remembering to eat.  I skip meals which is bad.  I have been making more of an effort to eat the right things at an appropriate time. I have also been trying to do one form or another of working out at least 6 out of 7 days.  So my January totals were.....37 miles of running with an average pace of 9:18.  Yippee....I also fit in some 21 day Fix and PiYo workouts.  My true goal is to do PiYo every morning and then a run or fix video in the Pm.  If I can run, I will.  The videos are my fall back.  

Here is me and Dawn on our first run of February.  My goal...to run at least 40 miles this month.  

And there it is...a little bit of Real Life .... Until next time....

xo~M

Getting Real

...deep breath....literally.....It took the writing of a dear, sweet girl...whom I used to teach and babysit and who is now a high school senior ....to get me to this place.  I love you Ali.
I left Facebook not because I don't care about my friends on it.  Not because I wanted to lose touch.  But because for me it became "Fakebook."  And it made me feel bad about myself.  Not to anyone else's fault.  It was how I saw it.  I saw everyone's happy life.  Everyone's smiling pictures.  Everyone's "best day ever!" And I was at fault too.  Who posts real life?  Who posts the real stuff?  Very few people do and I left and I am ok with that.  It has taken me a long time to get to this point.  I don't know why.  I have encouraged other people to this place.  I have been a sounding board.  But for me. I am not sure why.  I don't think it is shame or stigma.  It lives deep within me.  It was a seed planted when I was little and it grew and grew.  And it just got too big for me.  I remember first being anxious when I was less than 9 years old. I do not remember my exact age only that I know it was before 9.  I didn't know it was anxiety but feeling that way other times in my life after I knew the word, I figured it out.  I had my first panic attack in 2002.  Right after we lost Ben.  I was in a grocery store.  Surrounded by babies.  They were all over.  They were looking at me.  Every single one of them.  I thought I was dying.  I couldn't breathe.  Fast forward.  2007-ish I am at the Drs because I feel wrong.  I can't get anything done.  I don't feel I am doing my best at anything....work, mommyhood, wifeness, life....It is the first time I have asked for help.  My Dr. gives me a list if therapists.  I start looking through the list and cross referencing with my insurance plan.  No one.  Out of pocket.  100$ an hour?  At this point, it may as well been a million.  I dug in (because I am stubborn) and figured, I have done it before, I can do it again.  I can do this.  Another fast forward.  2012....in Drs office.  I have found a Physician's assistant who listens to me.  I am crying.  I can't do this.  Time number 2 I have asked for help.  I can't sleep.  I THINK all the time.  I WORRY all the time.  My mind is always going.  I can't sit and read (which I LOVE to do) because I am worrying about something, someone....She prescribes me some medicine.  I am ambivalent.  I am skeptical.  I am worried.  She asks me to try.  I say ok.  I try.  I try taking it at night and it keeps me awake.  I call her.  I start taking it in the morning.  I can think.  I can sleep.  I worry - but I don't worry to the point that I am a worry puddle.  A cough isn't pneumonia.  I fever that won't go away isn't leukemia.  A tic bite isn't lyme disease (I will save THAT story for another day).  I have anxiety.  I am dealing with my anxiety.  I take medication and I talk to other people who suffer from it.  I still have not found a therapist (although I have not looked in a while) . Instead I have my family,my circle of few friends, a bible study group....
So thank you Ali....for helping and even though you didn't know it, challenging me to be real.

xo~M

My new daily reminder....I absolutely LOVE it

Everyone can use a little help being happier!  Bring it on, Gretchen!

Dear 2015.....

We pulled out our 2013 letters and each took one anothers' and read them.  We laughed....ALOT.  One of my "goals" was to blog more.  Fail.  Epic fail.  Dang....I thought the purpose of goals and NOT resolutions was to NOT feel failure.  Ergh....Another was to learn to take better pictures.  I have made more of an effort with that one.  I like my own pictures though, so I am not sure to whom they are supposed to be better....maybe that one was ambiguous.  A friend of mine chooses a word to focus on for the year.  I really love that idea, but I even struggle at THAT. One word, Megan.  One. Word.  And I am blah.  Nothing.  Blank. I guess I don't feel as motivated?  Encouraged?  for the New Year.  Ok, maybe I need to take an extra couple of days to get more introspective.  I wanted to blog every day last year.  I realize now that was WAY to big.  I am shooting for weekly this year.  Surely I can do THAT.  Surely I can TRY to do that.  Here are my first pictures of the new year...

xo~M

Celebratory 2015 champagne!

First SELFIE of the New Year with my Keelin

First run of the New year!  Working to start it off right!