The sky is crying

We lost Ben 10 years ago tomorrow.  Sometimes anticipation of a bad day is worse than the day itself. I remember 10 years ago.  Thinking about having to go to the hospital the next morning.  Thinking if I stayed up all night, the day would never come.  It came and here I am 10 years later.  There is still a hole in my heart.  There is still pain and grief.  I was sitting here with the tv on "watching" a show and thinking about my son.  It had started to rain a while ago but now it was raining hard enough that I could hear it through our open windows.  I could smell it in the night air.  And I wanted to be out there.  Sitting in the rain.  No umbrella, no cover.  Just let the tears of heaven fall on me. 
I have my moments throughout the year.  I take joy in Keelin, Ella, and Max (and Josh).  Some days I am not even sad.  I think of Ben every night when I say my prayers.  I sleep with his blanket wrapped around my bed post, right next to my head.  I re-read my journals this weekend from 10 years ago.  I will wear blue in remembrance of my son tomorrow.  The one I didn't get to hold.

~8~ Bennett Galen Unger 10-1-2002

xo~M

 

These were the tulips we planted in our garden in our house on Saranac in Buffalo in remembrance of Ben.  We dug up all of the bulbs and re-planted here in Georgia where we also have daisies in his garden.