I usually journal on what would have been Ben's birthday but I didn't even get my journal out. I wore my blue and of lot of my friends did too, which I really appreciated. It is like a silent army of support. I can't see or hear them on that day but I know they are there. I had a conference this year so being somewhat engaged kept my mind occupied. The quiet times are the hard times. I still have the box of Ben things. I say every year that I am going to go through it all. There are reasons why I want to and reason's why I don't. There are cards of congratulations and cards of sympathy. There are small gifts for him and the clothes I wore when I found out we lost him. Programs from Walks to Remember in both Atlanta and Buffalo with his name in the program. Sometimes there are just more reasons not to go through the box. But it is still there.
Max and I were out in the yard this weekend and he brought a little sprig of a hyacinth to me. I didn't know they had bloomed yet. I usually don't pick them. They are from a basket of bulbs I received from a friend in Buffalo to plant in memory of Ben. So when we moved I dug all the bulbs out and attempted to transplant them here. The tulips didn't take, but every year I get the hyacinths. Max led me over to them and then picked every flower off. We brought them inside and put them in a tea light candle holder turned vase. So now our memory flowers are inside the house with all of my family. Max made a good choice. Remembering Bennett Galen 10-1-02 ~8~
xo~M
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