xo~M Remembering Bennett ~8~ 10-1-02
Picture by: Jenn Sorrell
Picture by : Jenn Sorrell
Picture by: Jenn Sorrell
Picture by: Jenn Sorrell
On second thought...when October ends.....
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Wake me up when September Ends....
About this time time every year I drop into a little bit of a funk. I didn't realize it was coming this time...just knew I was down and could not figure out why. Then I remembered...of course...how could I forget. I NEVER forget. Sometimes it is the Walk that triggers it. Getting all the registrations and baby names. This time the trigger man was someone completely unexpected....Max. Tonight I was tucking Max in and he was telling me about his church class today. He quoted his verse, "Nothing can separate us from God's Love. Romans 8:39" And yes he knew the chapter. As I was leaving his room he asked me..."mommy, who is Ben?" I turned around. "Who buddy?" "You know, Ben....when we let a balloon go for him." I am not sure how the verse brought on his asking about his brother. So I told him. I told him that Ben was his brother. "Where is he?" "He is in heaven with God?" "What happened to him? When is his birthday? I want to have 2 brothers." Rapid fire questions and comments. He seemed sad. Maybe I should not have told him but I didn't want to NOT tell him. He remembers attending the Walk last year. He remembers Ben's name. It is not like we talk about him all the time. What caused Max to ask about him? As I am answering his questions, tiny pinpricks of pain invade my heart and soul. I want to talk, but I don't want to....I want to remember, but I don't want to....I want to be grateful for the three I am allowed with me and I am...grateful. I don't have a picture of Bennett...but here are a few of my sweet earth angels...
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Megan,
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine lost her 9 month old son to cancer almost 7 years ago. While she was going through all the pain and loss she wrote an amazing blog that was so raw, real and heartfelt that I found it difficult to read. She still writes about him often, she speaks often about permission to grieve, there is no time limit or words that will heal the pain. She just had a book about the loss of someone you love published and is a grief therapist. What someone recently told me is there is space for both emotions... gratitude for what you have and grief for what you loss, you are allowed both. Sending you love. Stacy