Unger Squad: 11 Years

I was making dinner and listening to Pandora. Sara Bareilles' voice came on to intro a song. "I wrote this song, Gravity...after my first heartbreak." It struck a cord with me. I thought my first high school boyfriend broke my heart....then I thought, no that could NOT have been heartbreak, my first serious college boyfriend, HE broke my heart. Moving on....no, no any number of choices I made could have led to heartbreak. My dad died when I was 16...heartbreak? The rate I am going, my heart is in a million little pieces. The definition of heartbreak: overwhelming mental anguish or grief, especially that caused by loss or disappointment. Just reading the definition, brings tears to my eyes threatening to spill over onto the keyboard. And I know...I KNOW with every piece of me...when my heart actually broke. I was sitting in a doctor's office. I was looking at my son on an ultrasound screen. I was in the specialists' office-hearing the Doctor's words. I was in the hospital as my OB asked me if we catholic and if we wanted a chaplain. I was numb sitting on my couch watching the world out my window, wishing I was invisible. Wishing I was with my son. A million little pieces....
A three year old little girl climbed onto my lap, holding my hand as I watched out the window. Finding out I was pregnant with Ella. Helping to chair the Walk to Remember in Atlanta. Having Max and listening to him talk about Ben more than anyone in our family. Finding friends to share in this journey. Having my silent army in blue every October 1st and March 7th....all of these things and more fill the cracks. A broken heart pieced back together with love and support. It is a sad day. I miss my son. But I am grateful for Keelin, Ella, and Max. I am grateful for Josh and my support from near and far. There was overwhelming anguish and grief. There has also been overwhelming joy.

xo~M